F you, Fandango

It’s been a hell of a long week (and yes, I realize that it’s Monday). You see, my weeks this semester tend to start with  Wednesday and end on Monday at 10PM when the second of my two classes is over. It’s funny because Tuesday and Wendesday, rather than being actual weekend-ish days, are mostly the days when I “work” at my real job. You know, the one that sends me paychecks?

So where does the weekend go, you may ask? Well, sometimes to movies. Sometimes to awesome IMAX showings of the Hunger Games that I haven’t been eagerly, nay psychotically, anticipating for the past four months.

Last weekend, it SHOULD have, but those fuckers at Fandango foiled my fantastic plan thanks to their stupid non-functional website. When I called the actual theater showing the movie, I was indeed able to speak to a nice human being…who informed me that Fandango had control of all electronic ticketing. 60 minutes on hold with not even annoying hold music to remind me that the phone connection was live (just a 12 minute period of silence interspersed with an automated female voice telling me I was “important”), I gave up hope.

A week later, I get a reply to my five email complaints apologizing for “the inconvenience [I] may have experienced.” May? Ass.

So no, typing my little comment to Fandango’s “customer support” system wasn’t gratifying or fulfilling in any way. I’ll be posting it here, and hope ten million people click on it and forward it. Maybe I’ll start a meme, whatever the fuck that is. Below, for your approval, is my delightful thank you note.

Dear Fandango,

On March 21st I was unable to purchase the tickets I originally intended (to the IMAX showing of The Hunger Games), which were sold out by the time my account was unlocked on March 22nd. It was locked due to a malfunction of the Fandango website. I spent an hour on hold on an automated system with absolutely no way of communicating with a human being capable of making a very simple correction to solve the problem. An impersonal reply a week later noting my ‘inconvenience’ is not only insulting, it’s a ridiculous approach to customer service in today’s climate of time-sensitive digital information.

If you would like to refund the purchases I made on behalf of my friends, that is fine–but I don’t really care about the money.

You’ve done an excellent job of convincing me to avoid using your services whenever possible in my future cinematic outings, and I will gladly arrive early in person or patronize theaters that actually respect their customers by displaying a modicum of responsiveness to errors or difficulties in their operating system.

Best Regards,

Thea Williamson

P.S. Dear readers, if you know me at all, you’ll delight in this most exquisite use of the valediction “Best Regards.”

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