Ever since I left for vacation in July, things have been happening in my periphery which effect me. For some reason, the powers that be have decided not to involve me in their decision-making process.
At first, it was professional; I was transferred to a new school, our administration left and the district didn’t see the need to hire new people to help us do our jobs.
Then, wheels started moving in the educational department. The eternal summer semester at FIU turned sour (as if it weren’t awful already, right?), and finished off with a pathetic whimper. Scheduling was a bitch as usual; we got locked out of one class, another was on Monday nights, and suddenly there were no options left. With two angry emails and very little protest on the part of the administration, I quit the masters’ program.
Then, it turned to my everyday life. Things every day at work happen while I’m totally in the dark. They hired a new assistant principal, unbeknownst to me. This man in a suit walks into my class, yells at some boys, drags one off by the collar, and disappears. Bewildered, I turn to my students and ask *them* if they knew who this strange man was. Nobody really knew, but they had the vague impression that he “works for Central.” Superb. I return to the main campus after 4 weeks, and on a whim go to the main office to see if my mailbox was still there (I have a new one at the middle school). Sure enough, there was my box, spewing papers and memos out onto the floor. In it I found such gems as “the uniform policy” “professional development” and trivial things like memos about curriculum changes and, oh, the hiring of a new principal. Way to keep everybody informed.
Now, it seems to have become personal. I don’t really give a shit if he reads this, because we’re not “together” anymore; if he doesn’t want to think about me, then he doesn’t need to read this. D. left Miami just about two weeks ago, mentioning in passing that he’d gotten a second interview with a prospective job. He leaves a note on my pillow, and that’s the last I hear from him, more or less, until I get a phone call saying “I’m moving to Washington.” Oh, that’s nice.
Nothing for 5 more days, so I go about my shitty life down here, staying up late on the weeknights, getting up at 5:45 to rush off to a 9 hour day of teaching children assisted by an either nonexistent or incompetent administration. I spend ten hours of my Saturday at professional development training that I’VE ALREADY HAD LAST YEAR, then sleep all Sunday because I’m so exhausted. If you’re trying not to think about someone, take my advice and don’t do their laundry. It’s quite difficult to keep someone off of your mind when you’re folding their underwear and washing their socks.
Monday rolls around, and it’s more of the same old shit. Then, on a beautiful Tuesday night, me none the wiser minus a vague sense of foreboding, I make the drive up to Ft. Lauderdale to pick him up at the airport, using a third of a tank of gas to do so in my rickety old car. Right now in South Florida, that’s $10 worth.
On the way home, I’m informed of his plans. He’s leaving “Wednesday or Thursday.” For those of you unfamiliar with the Gregorian calendar, that’s tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. Oh, that’s nice of you to let me know.
Back at the ranch, he’s decided that he “needs some time to figure things out,” and that we shouldn’t be together because he’s not sure that he really wants to be with me. Again, great advance warning. Exactly how long has this been going on? Not really sure, but maybe after he met my entire family this summer. That must have been the clincher.
It was fantastically cliched, my reaction. It disgusts me how sickeningly predicatable I am; at first I wanted to cry (check, already done that this week, last week too); then, I get nauseuous. I go outside to get some fresh air, and what should happen? What would be the most ridiculous situation to be in? Oh, it starts pouring rain. Somewhere up above (because when in search of spiritual guidance in this all-too-random and meaningless existence, we look to the sky), there’s someone wiht a dark sense of humor, maybe as dark as mine, and they’re having one hell of a laugh at this. I hope someone’s getting some enjoyment out of it, because being on the inside of the irony isn’t all that fun.