What Was It That They Say About Hindsight?
It was 37 degrees outside yesterday, and I went to class without a jacket. That’s the first time it’s been above freezing since January 17th. Good lord. I thought it was positively tropical; what’s coming to this state?
When I left my apartment yesterday morning, I was dressed in ‘casual interview’ mode, with jeans and my blazer, and of course the red shoes. The non-interview to which I arrived punctually, nervous as all hell, was with one Matt Tossman, HC ’02 and Teach for Ameria corps member. Now Tossman and I had an *interesting* [hi, euphemism of the century] relationship my freshman year, which degenerated over the summer and ended up hurting/irritating/embarassing all involved parties in the 2001-02 school year. I distinctly remember the last words I’d spoken to him, nearly two and a half years ago at Haverfest.
keep in mind, I wasn’t, shall we say, *sober* at this point…
Thea: I’m not supposed to talk to you tonight.
Thea: Yes. My roommate told me not to talk to you. By the way, congrats with organizing Haverfest and all. I’m really impressed.
Thea: no problem. You know, if you’d just have told me you didn’t like me a year ago, things would have been so much easier for everyone.
MT:[pause, awkwardness] I’m sorry.
Thea: Don’t apologize, that’s all you ever do.
MT: I’m sorry.
Thea: Yeah, so I just wanted to say that. And have a nice life, because I’m never going to see you again. Bye! [with a smile and a turn on her heel, she walks away into the crowd…]
And I quote: “I’m never going to see you again.” At the time, it was beautiful: liberating, empowering, relatively harmless and free of bitterness. Exactly the kind of closure that I thought I needed on the whole affair, and I thought no more of him except in particularly low moments when I’d go back and read my journal from Freshman year, or something like that.
Then, last Tuesday I got an email in my inbox saying “(Please Reply) Invite to Coffee With Matt Tossman.” I nearly dropped my jaw. Apparently, Teach for America was stalking/recruiting me (thanks to another Haver-boy), and seems to think that I’d make a good candidate for the corps. It actually looks really interesting, with a new bilingual program in Miami that has dual-language classrooms. I’d be pysched about that. So the irony of the situation is that I really did have a ton of questions for Tossman, and I did want to talk to him about TFA, if nothing else. I set up my meeting with a good deal of trepidation, and made sure I looked presentable when I walked into the INSC lounge at 10:45.
The meeting went well, and a lot of my queries were answered. TFA looks really appealing, if I can get in, and we had a nice conversation about life, the past two years, and Haverford. He’s still got those bright blue eyes, and I’ve still got that long blonde hair, but I didn’t want to hit him or yell at him, so that’s good. He’s grown up, I’ve mellowed, and I think that now we could actually be friends. In a move of dubious prudence, I invited him out for a drink via email, but never heard back [see: every other attempt at social interaction with MT]. I think it’s better this way, ending on a good note.
Next time, I will remember Rachael’s sage advice, and restrain myself from potentially harmful inflammatory comments towards people who may or may not deserve them, no matter how much I feel like I need “resolution” to the conflict. You know what they say about hindsight.