Am I Overinvolved?
I just came home on this, the humidest of all evenings, from my first *actual* Watson Fellowship meeting. Why is it that I feel both horrendously nervous and overconfident at the same time. More than anything else in the world (except maybe peanut butter and timed distance runs) is putting myself before a committee of some sort to be evaluated. I don’t feel as though I should have to ‘sell myself,’ but clearly that’s going to be the case here, and in so many other occasions coming up in the near future. it is unreasonably naive to think that you can just show up somewhere and have people ‘like you for who you are.’ That said, it does absolutely nothing to make the application process for said fellowship any less scary.
I’ve been working like mad, reading books and talking to professors, spending inordinate amounts of time in the library for my first week in school, and all I can think about (when I’m not ridiculously enthusiastic about the project, babbling about it to anyone who will listen) is that it’s all for nothing, and I’m just killing myself trying to do this and balance an extra class, working 3 jobs, and maybe the internship at Hot Soup. Am I insane? I keep telling myself that I can’t have a repeat of first semester last year, when I really was doing TOO much, and drove myself a bit batty.
And then, hidden innocuously there in the fifth tier of the library (literally the old attic of the cathedral part) is an original 1949 copy of M.F.K. Fisher’s translation of Brillat-Savarin’s canonical The Physiology of Taste, and all is right with the world; I show Klu and an old English prof my miraculous find, garnering the response “wow, you’re really a geek now, aren’t you?” That was the professor, not the roommate.
I forget about the reading for my film class that I forgot to do, and the private tutoring that I signed up for which has absolutely no place in my weekly schedule, and instead go grocery shopping for the ingredients to tomorrow night’s 14 2C dinner for two, which promises to be scrumptious. To the gym, Thea! Exercise out those doubts.